Not enough oxygen for that.

While climbing Kilimanjaro on the Western Breach Route, the hardest day of the climb was from Arrow Camp to Crater Camp.  I remember being down at Arrow Camp looking up the steep rock where we were going and saying, "Yeah, I don't see any way up that I'm okay with..."

Most of the camping spots before this were empty except for our group, but at Arrow Camp lots of crews were merging from different routes, so there were tents and people all over the place.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of a man loudly puking outside of his tent.  I unzipped the tent and looked out to see that it was a man that Stace and I had talked to the evening before.  I wonder if he made it to the summit?  The level of altitude at Arrow camp and above is seriously nothing to mess around with...Throughout the entire trip, we had a porter named Roger whose entire job was to stay not far from us and carry the Hyper Chamber Gamow bag.  This is the bag that's used if you have issues such as pulmonary edema or cerebral edema and have to be rushed off the mountain.  They inflate this bag, throw you in it, and carry you off the mountain.  The oxygen inside the bag is like sea level and it can save your life.  At the hotel before we started the climb, we actually met a man who had to be saved from pulmonary edema while he was at Crater Camp.

So we got up early in the morning in the freezing cold and started our ascent to Crater Camp.  And then from Crater Camp it would only be a couple more hours to the summit.  The goal was to camp at Crater Camp, and then summit the following day.  We knew that once we started on this route, there was no turning back as it was too steep to take you back down.  You had to get to the top.  My first memory was how cold it was...it seemed to take at least an hour for me to feel my feet.  The climb was a winding, switchback sort of walking up the side of the slope. There were a couple places where they roped us in for safety, but I distinctly remember thinking "Why here?"  It seemed there were several places prior to being roped in that I was in serious danger too  - but without ropes for safety.... 
I remember it was so steep and we could see so far down that it took me about 4-5 hours before I could look down the side of the mountain.  We would stop and I would sit and stare at my boots.  I told Hatch she had to take pics for me b/c I just couldn't look. I had no idea until this moment in time, that I was this afraid of heights...yeah, a great way to find out huh?  Once I did look, the tents a couple thousand feet down at Arrow Camp were the size of my pinky nail. 

So we were going from about 16,000 to 18,370 ft.  that day, and all in all it took us about 10 hours.  You can't help thinking hours into this gruelling day that they advertised this online as "a walk in the park"...and it makes you kinda angry...

We would stop periodically for rests.  They took our oxygen saturation at various times during this day to make sure we weren't in serious danger, or dying, or something.  Stace was nauseous most of the day from the altitude.  We were both exhausted from climbing for so long.  Ed from Canada wasn't a very steady hiker and he kept slipping...he was hiking in front of me so I kept thinking that if he went down he was taking me with him... There was nowhere to go to the bathroom, so I literally had to ask everyone to turn around so that I could pee right there.  And then I moved a foot or two over and ate my lunch.  It's rough folks...

At one point during a break, Stacy turned around and looked at me and said something to the effect of, "I just need to cry."  At which point I totally agreed, and the two of us sat there and started bawling.  Not serious, mature, silent tears, but total and complete girl crying...
It felt kinda good - as crying usually does...until our guide Francis cut into our therapy session and in a stern tone said words I'll never, ever forget...

"Damas (sisters), you MUST stop crying.....there is not enough oxygen for that."

Wow - talk about a mood killer.  And do you know how hard it is to stop crying once you have fully given in to it?  But we wanted to die less than we wanted to cry so we sucked it up and stopped.  Can't even have a good cry on Kili when you need to... 

 

Ten hours after we started the climb that day, we finally made it to Crater Camp at 18,370.  Gorgeous blue glaciers and a volcano crater steaming with sulfer awaited us...but man...it was a rough road there.

 

 

 

 

 

Ode to Kilimanjaro - Jackleboo

I haven't written any posts yet about my climb up Kilimanjaro.  Quite the adventure...and what stories I have to tell... I think today I'll just focus on one tonight - dear Jackleboo.

Background:  In the summer of  2005, I went to Africa.  Since I was going to be in Africa I decided I might as well climb Kilimanjaro while I was at it.  I have this dear friend named Stacy who is about as crazy as me...and decided to fly to Tanzania to meet me for the climb.  (love you forever for this Stace!)  There is, of course, way more to all of what I just said, but for now I'll leave it at that.

Story #1  - Jackleboo
Stace and I climbed up the mountain with Ed from Canada and 19 porters and guides.  Lots of fellas were with us - some spoke English, some didn't.  We had a sweet man who would bring our food to the dining tent for each meal.  He had a huge smile and a kind face, but didn't seem to speak much English.  Toward the beginning of the trip, I asked Stacy what his name was, and she said something to the effect of "Jackleboo."  Well I was certainly puzzled by that as it's not a name you typically hear (even in Africa), but figured "what do we know" and proceeded to call him Jackleboo all week.  After all, one of our guide's names was "Honest".  When you consider that, how different is Jackleboo really?

We were around Jackleboo a lot.  He would come by in the morning and yell to our tent that it was time to get up.  He brought our food each evening to the dining tent.  I still hear myself saying "Thank you Mr. Jackleboo."  "How are you doing Mr. Jackleboo?"  "Dinner was wonderful, Mr. Jackleboo." 

all week long...

Sweet Jackleboo...I still remember the last night on the mountain -  I was crying with Stacy in the tent about how bad we smelled - our clothes, our tent, everything.  We had dirt crammed under every single fingernail.  We had stopped brushing our teeth days back.  We had lost all sense of decency...and sweet Jackleboo came by and gave Stace and I a warm bowl of water for us to soak our hands in...  I can still remember us laying with our torsos out of the tent with our hands in that warm water.  Gosh I wish I could thank him now for that.

At any rate, that evening we had our final dinner on the mountain with our guides.  Jackleboo was serving the dinner as usual.  Our head guide, Francis, was listing out the porters who had helped all week so that we could give a tip at the end of the trip.  He wrote everyone's name and their job for the week.  I looked at the paper.  You can imagine my suprise when I read the words "Server - Jacob".  WHAT?!?!  JACOB...but our server is Jackleboo??  I still remember looking at Stacy across the table and saying - "His name is Jacob!?"  She of course responded with something to the effect of "I swear I asked him and he said Jacaboo!" Which was also a suprise to me as I thought she had said Jackleboo earlier in the week.  And all of the sudden, it sounded so clear to me - Jacob with a Swahili accent totally does sound like Jacaboo. 
Well JACOB came back into the tent and we looked at him sheepishly and said "You're not Jackleboo?"  And he got a BIG huge smile and shook his head no....
"You're Jacob?"  And he got a BIG huge smile and shook his head yes....and this is where the apologies started.

Jackleboo - your kindness and your smile is not forgotten...and wherever you are... thank you for your graciousness to these two American dingalings  :)


More Kili stories to come.

Only Love Remains by J.J. Heller

Gorgeous...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5Hd211fJOw


Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

Hot Yoga

One of my  New Year's Goals was to try hot yoga at least once, and today was the day!  I certainly did not leave empty-handed...
I'll walk you through a bit of my experience.

Random thoughts:
The room was 105 degrees, and by the middle of the class everyone's sweating pretty heavily - I mean you literally see sweat falling off people onto their mats.  When you're supposed to grab your leg or arm or any place that doesn't have clothing, it's seriously hard to hold on because your body is so slippery.  I was particularly fortunate (insert sarcasm here) to have a shirtless man in spandex shorts with a big diamond stud earring in his ear in the spot right next to me - perhaps 24 inches at the most away from me.  He was pouring the sweat... At one point the instructor challenged us to do a head stand.  I did not take that challenge as I was pretty sure that the result of my attempt would scathe the peacefulness of the class.  Sweaty spandex man DID take the challenge, however, and as I was doubled over looking through my legs in the stretching pose we were supposed to be in, I watched as he started to lift his feet up....all I could think of was that if he fell on me it would be awful.
He did not fall...meaning I ended the class with only my own sweat on my body - for which I am extremely thankful.

Physical:  A-MAZE-ING!  I love heat, I love to sweat, and I love stretching...so this was a fantastic combination for me.  My muscles felt incredible when it was over - perhaps as good or even better than they did after the last massage I got.  Loved that.  I think that if I did this habitually, my body, muscles, and bum hamstring would be all the better for it. Seriously.

Spiritual:  I've been to some yoga classes that had a more "general" spiritual slant to it.  This is nice because if you're beliefs are not in line with many of the beliefs that accompany yoga, you can fairly easily turn it into a time of prayer to God.  This class, however, was much more specific in yoga-ish  spirituality.  My third eye was refered to on multiple occasions, blue light was supposedly in my mouth at one point?, and I was told that I was a self-healer (I am not) as well as other things.  These were only a few of the spiritual references....The general idea that seemed to be expressed throughout class was that I am the master of myself, I am the one who heals, brings peace, and lets go....the power is from me and in me, instead of from an outside force or being.
Although I certainly appreciate the peacefulness and quiet of yoga... and I love that letting go of the craziness and business of life to slow down is valued and a core part of the practice...after being in this class, I am reminded of how thankful I am that I am not in charge of these things in my life.  I am the undeserving recipient of GRACE!   I surrender, and He takes care of the rest.  I have a God who is a healer, a God who brings peace, and a God who shines HIS light through me.  If I really were in charge of my healing, or my peacefulness, or my rest...I'd be screwed.  Thanks to God for making me what I'm not and putting His power into my life to make me more than I am.

Favorite Saying of the class:  There is one particular phrase that the instructor mentioned that I loved.  Unfortuately I have to paraphrase as I can't recall her exact words... She challenged us on several occasions to push past the place that we thought was the challenge to get to the real challenge. I thought that was such a great saying.  It reminded me of the quote about praying not for crutches but for wings.  It's so true that we expect such meager things, when mountain moving is available.  Thank you yoga instructor for that quote!

So Nathalie and I left - hot, stretched, and in conversation about all that had happened.  And coming home she introduced me to some magic potion lotion that I tried....tingly and amazing!  Will I go back - not to this particular place - due to the spiritual component in this class.  Am I challenged to stretch more in hot environments...For sure!

So there you have it.  Hot Yoga completed. 
Signing off,
Danielle

New Years Goals 2013

So here they are...my official NEW YEAR'S GOALS!!!  I've been just plain worn out emotionally by life lately, so my goals aren't quite as lofty as usual....but valuable nonetheless :)

New Years Goals:
#1 - Eat Keystone Mac-n-Cheese every Monday without fail (unless I'm out of town) (TOTALLY ON TARGET...)

#2 - Not watch ANY Bachelorette/Bachelor or any such ridiculous POISON to my brain all year long (on target...)

#3 - Pray with serious ferver - strive less, pray desperately more (Yep - Happening...)

#4 - Find a summer job this year in order to escape depression and much crying in June

#5 - Get piano tuned/fixed

#6 - Go to one international adoption information meeting

#7 - Try hot yoga at least once (done)

#8 - Stay committed to Coffee Emporium - drinking lots of coffee while building relationships with my friends who work there - very important. (yep - this is happening :)

#9 - Refrain from egg-ing (or any other such vandalism) of any "Peace Pole" that might exist around this city.  Ignore the irony of such pole(s) and love people anyway. (hasn't happened yet - think about it all the time...kidding.)

#10 - Gather with work friends in social settings several times before summer. (okay so it's happened once...)

#11 - Succesfully complete training/coaching with the Stepping Forward Team for the Flying Pig.  Run the half marathon in under 2 hours. (First Part - DONE.  Second Part - not under 2, but 2:14...which is faster than last year!)

#12 - Get at least 12 massages this year (3 completed)

#13 - Visit at least 5 friends who live out of state

#14 - Be braver.  Fear less.  Risk more.

Other goals:
January - Starting Jan.13, get rid of 3 things every day for the rest of the month (done), Finish The Life of Pi (done) and go see the movie (happened in February...but did see it)

February - Read one book, Go to the gym at least 3 times every week this month (Read Girl Meets God and loved it...missed the gym one by one workout)

March - Make one craft off Pinterest, Read another book (Made a Spring wreath with Rachel and Heather - the book didn't happen...I read about half of The Fisherman and several chapters in Relentless Hope by Beth Guckenberg.  And then I lost both books - I think I left them at my parents' house!)

April - Travel somewhere over Spring Break, Read another book (Travelled to Washington D.C. for the IJM Global Prayer Gathering = AMAZING.  Travelled to my mom and dad's house for Easter.  Read the book Fields of Gold by Andy Stanley...however, I finished it on May 7th...well, it was close :)

May - Run the Flying Pig Half Marathon in under 2 hours, Eat at a fantastic restaurant  (Ran the Pig in 2:14...Next year... restaurant to be completed...)

June - Get tan, Watch one Francis Chan Podcast, Go to at least one event on Fountain Square or Washington Park

July - Continue tan, Make another craft off Pinterest, Go see one movie in the theatre, Send at least 3 people snail mail

*The rest of this list will be made when I get to the summer months...at that point I'll re-evaluate my position in life and determine goals then...

Grief and Fear

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear" 
These are the first words in C.S. Lewis' book A Grief Observed.  I have found this to be true over and over again in life - fear follows and accompanies grief so easily.  Whether I've been grieving the loss of my husband, a dream, a job, my comfort, a relationship, or about anything else...I am tempted to fear. And it can be consuming. Why is it that fear is such a natural companion to grief?  It's fear of the future, fear of the present, fear that things will never change, fear that there isn't a plan, and fear that I've messed everything up.  Angie Smith says in her book What Women Fear, "It's so easy to fear we've ruined something beautiful."  I think this is so true of women.  This is so true of me.

Perhaps, the root of all of this is the fear that the best is behind me. 

The best is behind me?  What a horrible thought. 
But when I think about those times when I'm engrossed in fear, often this thought is at the root of what scares me so readily.

The enemy loves this fear.  It paralyzes and lives in complete opposition to trusting and abiding in Jesus.  Sorrow can exist in communion and in abiding/trusting in Christ...Fear cannot.  First John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love...."
You can be sad and trust, but you cannot fear AND trust.  One or the other.  Trust OR Fear.  Which one will it be.?

While holding sorrow and grieving anything in life - big or small, it's imperative that I hold it, feel it, and experience it in the context of this full trust and surrender.  Trusting that the best is not behind me.  Trusting that the best is yet to come.  Trusting that there is still life to be had and it will be beautiful. 

Along with this, I believe that God is often telling me to be still and let HIM fight.  Exodus 14:14 says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."  This verse has come to my mind over and over at various times this past year, and it's not a verse that I have thought of much at other times in my life.  I am a woman of action.  I don't like to be idle.  I am a fighter.  A scrapper.  Recently, though, in my relationship with Jesus, I feel Him telling me to sit back, be still, and let Him fight my battles for me.  He brings me to the end of my wisdom, my knowledge, my striving and says "Ok.  Now lay that all down and watch me work." 

This requires a ruthless trust...and I want to have that.  I want to trust that he has the answers.  That he is all powerful, and will work all things for my good.  That he can fix my mistakes and the mistakes of others.  That he can redeem all things.  That I need not fear anything.

I don't know what my life will look like at the end of this next year.  But I hope  - oh I hope - that I am a women who trusts more fiercely and rests more fully in the ONE who is over all things....
and knows my name.

New Year's Goals 2012

Well I'd like to look at all my goals from last year and say that I met them all...however....
I lost my list of  goals and therefore can't remember what they were...ooops.

I DO remember a couple, though.

#1 - Take guitar lessons.  CHECK.  Did it.  I'm not saying I'm good at it yet, but I did take some lessons.  Thank you Jon Stankorb.

#2 - Run a race at an 8:30 mile pace.  CHECK.  Did it.  I wasn't sure I was going to make that one...I was running MUCH slower even through the summer.  I decided to join a Bob Ronker's Running Group in late summer to train for the Thanksgiving Day race.  My intent was to run with fast people and therefore become fast. 
I must say that it actually worked.
At the beginning of the training I had to choose whether I was going to go with the "normal" group of runners and be at the front of the pack, or run with the "competitive" group of runners and be last nearly every run.  I chose the latter, and it made all the difference.  I would show up, leave with the fast group, and just decide that I would keep running with them until they kicked me out due to my inability to keep up adequately.  I could barely talk while running with them.  It was not comfortable.  But at the Cyclones 5K, I met my goal and ran an 8:16 pace!  Thank you Ronkers!  And thank you fast people for not kicking me out of the  group :)

Coming soon will be a list of goals for 2013.  Please don't get excited.  They will be ridiculously easy to achieve.  And I might even put a goal on there that I've already accomplished so that I can start the year out feeling successful :)