Inadequate

I woke up this morning to dog poop all over my bedroom carpet.  Awesome.

I hardly even flinch at this as have an old dog, and so I clean up dog poop on a mostly daily basis.
And I will continue to clean it up because I am so thankful to still have my sweet buddy around.  But make no mistake, it is a lot of work.  I sometimes think God must be preparing me for a house full of toddlers b/c I am a poop maestro at this point.   Which is not really something I ever dreamed of being.

This morning my desire for a quiet moment of reading and prayer trumped the desire to steam clean my carpet at 6 a.m., so I got out of the room and drank my coffee while sitting on the couch asking God to meet me...because I need him.  I need him.

And it's not just the poop.  It seems I am often in a place where my needs and my sufficiencies do not line up.  At all.  I need far more than I have.  I am inadequate.  This lack can be in a sorts of categories - emotions,  wisdom,  patience, steadfastness,  trust, faith - I do not have what it takes... and I am regularly faced with this reality.

On these mornings, I sometimes feel like I need to fast, and when I think of what I would pray for during my fast, the prayer that often comes to me is "God HELP ME - God help me because I am desperate for you."  Really?  Is that a specific enough fast?!  And so I head out the door for the day willing to endure some hunger for that prayer.

Does anyone else feel this need?  This lack of resources?  This poverty?  This is, in fact, the definition of poverty - not having enough - and so when I am in poverty of faith or poverty of wisdom or poverty of patience or love or kindness I need to be on my knees before the Father asking him to meet me in my poor state.  I ask him to provide what I am lacking.

It does not feel good.  I like to feel adequate and competent and on top of everything.  But I am actually believing that perhaps these moments, days, and weeks of feeling needy is really when I am more in touch with reality than when I feel sufficient.  I am likely the most delusional when I do have brief moments where I feel like I've got it all together.

Paul speaks of this in II Corinthians:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

This verse invites us to transform the our idea of weakness to see it as the avenue for strength.  Weakness as the path to strength...what a beautiful reality.

Weakness is the very place where I am primed and ready to see God's power break through in my life.  I cannot see him without recognizing my need for him, so it would stand to reason that the more I recognize my need, the more I am going to see him.  Because He is faithful.

Where are you in your weakness?  Are you delighting in it?  Fighting it?  Shaming yourself for your inadequacy?  Today let's boast in our weakness, not because we love failure, but because we serve a God who makes up for every bit of incompetence that we have AND even turns it into good!

This thing of walking with Jesus is really such a sweet deal.